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Why We Haven’t Updated The Big Brother 19 Page Lately

Fie on the whole lot of them.

When the Big Brother 19 season started, the Bracket Yard’s new Culture department hit it with a full head of steam. We even founded a new Twitter account, @CultureBY, to help track the goings-on there and elsewhere.

Now, the BB19 page lays fallow, not updated in weeks. Perhaps you are wondering why that is.

There’s nothing about which to be curious. Having watched the feeds since the day they clicked on, I have come to an incontrovertible conclusion. With a few exceptions, the Houseguests this season are craven, useless shitweasels. They may soon be recalled as the most good-for-nothing, futile cast in the show’s history.

Big Brother 19: Not Good, At All

Why do I say that? First, when you have people like Matt saying that he’s “not there to win” and he doesn’t “give a shit” what happens after they make jury, you know you have some real gutless dopes. Then, you have others like Alex, Jason, Josh and various showmancers falling over themselves trying to kiss Paul’s ass while he steamrolls them. They might as well beg him to evict them as though it would be a high honor.

In fact, Jason said he’d be honored to lose to Paul. I was prepared to say this is an exaggeration, but clearly, it’s not.

Big Brother 19: Paul Wrecked It, But Let’s Be Honest

To his credit, Paul is the only person left giving any indication that he is trying to win. Okay, maybe Josh does, too, but he’s 23 going on 10. The other problem is that everybody else there seems to want Paul to win, too. Cody was one of the few people who didn’t lick Paul’s rear end from day one, and they got rid of him, only for him to come back and go again. If any of them think, as is Alex’s strategy, they’ll just coast to the final two with Paul, let’s be honest now: they’re not going to win. Seeing as how Paul is the ONLY person in the house making ANY game moves, why would someone else win over the jury?

She isn’t the only one, but get real, people: you can’t ALL be Paul’s ride or die. Then again, when you have a cast of witless “players” content just to make it to jury, what do you expect?

Big Brother 19: As For Paul’s Minions

This is a cast of followers too scared to do anything. Not only that, but they’re fine with being followers. Had Paul not been there, they’d have latched to the strongest person (whomever the hell that is). If another alpha veteran were cast instead of Paul — say, BB18 Victor — he’d have been Mr. Popular as well. Paul has this cast by the short and curlies, but another similar vet would have been at least guaranteed jury with this bunch. This cast is not smart or ambitious enough to make a big move, or any moves at all for that matter.

Kevin is, or had been, purely likeable and that’s why he’d been near the top, but even he clings to Paul like plankton to an iron hull. Alex has unique thoughts, but they’re all insipid. Raven may end up one of the most detested Houseguests in Big Brother US history when this is over, approaching Maggie territory. Matt has the personality of warm mayonnaise and has no interest in playing; why he’s on the show is beyond me.

Continuing, Josh is a manchild loose cannon. Jason serves no purpose; one could say like tits on a bull, to make a rodeo joke. Christmas portrays a tough persona but falls in line like everyone else. Even Cody and Jessica, two of the only three people who saw through Paul, didn’t win any popularity contests in the house. Jessica certainly isn’t, as they booted her. Cody didn’t, and they got rid of him, too (twice). Finally, Mark woke up, just in time to meet his doom, despite one last attempt to smooch Paul’s pasty glutes. There will be eight people left in the house, and Paul will have no opposition whatsoever. Even he probably can’t believe how foolish they are.

Speaking of Maggie, Paul has “The Friendship,” and he’s literally both Maggie and Cappy. He leads his cult following while they will soon thank him for evicting them. After all, they have to do it for their Cappy. All his minions know is they have to do what he says until Paul decides it’s time for them to go.

Big Brother 19: Alienating the Alumni

Not everyone will cherish every Big Brother season. (Thankfully, 2018’s Big Brother 20 and Celebrity Big Brother turned out great.) If all the alumni of the show got along in the house and in real life, how monotonous would that be? Nevertheless, it seems many of them have united over their animus for BB19.

“Evel Dick” Donato can’t contain the fact that he hates this season and cast. Janelle Pierzina can’t watch anymore. Dan Gheesling, one of the best players in Big Brother history, laments what sheep the BB19 cast are, as does Dani Donato. Andy Herren sees a cast afraid on BB19. Both halves of “Brenchel” prayed to the BB Gods in vain. Britney Haynes called it the worst cast ever on Twitter. OTT winner Morgan Willett can’t wait for it to be over. Big Meech is all set with the lack of gameplay.

Adam and BB9: it looks like you guys are off the hook.

Big Brother 19: Fights, Not Necessarily Fun

Just because a cast has blow-ups like this one doesn’t make it fun or entertaining. There has not been one unpredictable or unplanned eviction the entire season. Only one person is making game moves. Therefore, the gameplay in Big Brother 19 is as atrocious as any season in the show’s history.

With a year of Big Brother so loathsome and repulsive, I can’t in good sportsmanship continue to update the commentary. Big Brother is supposed to be a summer guilty pleasure. This season, however, is a predictable, strategy-free shitshow of objectionable flunkees, flops, and wimps. When discussing what not to make of a season, Big Brother 19 will be the one the show’s Superfans point to in years ahead. The only joy we have left to extract from this wretched farce is watching them finally cannibalize each other. Many will try to be Paul’s runner-up, but narrow is the gate.

Maybe we’ll come back if someone besides Paul rubs two neurons together to form an original thought. Just maybe.

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